Pick-Up Lines 101
by Emikadon
Summary: Poor Klavier Gavin, being reduced to using simple pick-up lines to charm the ever elusive heart of Ema Skye. Who knew that her sarcasm could even be used to respond to the lame jokes coming from our favorite German prosecutor?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! And welcome to my first every fanfiction ^_^ I've always loved Klavier and Ema's interactions, and I figured, hey why not write one myself? This idea was bouncing around in my head, but I was kinda iffy about actually posting it. Most of these pick-up lines I found on the internet, but the responses were all mine, haha. It's surprisingly fun, putting myself in Ema's shoes. Well, you guys can tell me how it is, so please leave a review at the end!**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney does not belong to me and nor will it ever... :(**

* * *

Chapter One, 1-20

~O~

"Hello, Fräulein. May I say that you look absolutely divine today?"

"Are you saying that I don't look nice every other day?"

"Of course not, mein liebe. I am simply stating that you seem to be especially radiant today!"

"…go away, you fop."

~O~

"Did it hurt?"

"Excuse me? What the hell would hurt about paperwork, other than it boring me to tears?!"

"When you fell from heaven, I mean. It must have been painful, ja?"

"Resorting to lame pick-up lines now, glimmer boy? Fitting, since it matches your lame personality."

"Ouch! Fräulein how you hurt me so!"

~O~

"Fräulein, I seem to have lost my phone number. Would you mind giving me yours?"

"You're my boss, fop. You can look it up on your own."

"Ah! Does that mean that's a yes? Wait, Fräulein! Don't leave!"

~O~

"I am a thief, and I have come to steal your heart!"

"Careful, Mr. Gavin. You're standing in a police department. I could have you arrested for confessing to a theft."

"But your heart is not yet mine, so I suppose there has been no theft yet, ja?"

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

~O~

"Fräulein Skye, if I told you that you had a beautiful figure beneath that lab coat, would you hold it against me?"

"Hold it against you as in never talk to you again? Consider it done."

~O~

"Do you have a band aid? My knee was scraped when I fell for you."

"Don't you have fan girls that would be more than happy to kiss your boo-boo?"

"Ah, but they're not you, meine schöne detektiv. But really, do you have one? I cut my finger on a piece of glass at the crime scene."

"Do you mean to say your blood is now contaminating MY crime scene?!"

"Hehe… let's not be hasty, ja?"

~O~

"I am not drunk, I am merely intoxicated by you."

"…you drove here, didn't you?"

"Yes, on my hog. May I inquire as to why you are curious?"

"Klavier Gavin, you are under arrest for driving under the influence. Anything you say in the court of law can and will be used against you—"

"W-wait! Fräulein! I was kidding!"

~O~

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil…pointless."

"For the love of science, where are you getting all of these?!"

"The internet is a wonderful thing, nein?"

~O~

"I believe I have misplaced my teddy bear. May I cuddle with you instead?"

"Ooh the glimmerous fop sleeps with a teddy bear? Wait until the tabloids hear about that."

"It will be worth the world knowing, so long as I have you in my arms as a replacement!"

"Wait until everyone knows that the big, scary prosecutor isn't so scary after all!"

~O~

"Ein moment, Fräulein Skye. What is that in your eye?"

"What? (Rubs at eyes)"

"Oh nein. That was just a sparkle. My apologies."

~O~

"Achtung! I think I dropped something! My jaw!"

"I believe you've lost something as well. Your mind!"

~O~

"Möchten Sie mit mir auszugehen?"

"Désolé, vous n'êtes pas mon type."

"Eh? The Fräulein speaks French? What did you say?"

"Annoying isn't it? Not understanding a different language. Welcome to my world, fop."

"I would love to be part of your world! Danke for offering!"

"…idiot…"

~O~

"If I had a dollar for every time you crossed my mind, I would be the richest man in the world."

"If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to slap you, I'd be even richer."

~O~

"Fräulein, why can't you just admit that you want me?"

"You're right. I want you to leave."

~O~

"Mein liebe, I apologize, but I must put you under arrest."

"What?!"

"I have come to the conclusion that you are a terrorist, for your body is truly the bomb!"

"Well, this bomb is about to explode if you don't leave, YOU GLIMMEROUS FOP!"

~O~

"If you were a pill, I would gladly overdose."

"Are you saying you do drugs? I'll be more than happy to place you under arrest again."

"Aha! You have admitted that you like putting me in handcuffs! I never knew you could be so kinky, liebling!"

"…or I could file a complaint of sexual harassment."

~O~

"Fräulein, please allow me to be the Sodium to your Chloride, for together, we will be the sweetest thing the world has ever seen!"

"…"

"Fräulein?"

"…"

"Is something the matter?"

"…"

"What?"

"Fop… Sodium chloride is SALT. NOT SUGAR."

~O~

"Are you busy, Fräulein? Because I would love to spend my life with you."

"No, I'm free. But you have a case today."

"Scheiße! I forgot!"

~O~

"I believe I have finally succumbed to the sweetness of death… for you must be an angel!"

"No, you're not dead. But it can certainly be arranged if you like!"

~O~

"Mein liebe, you have been voted most beautiful girl in the room! Your prize is a date with me."

"No thanks, glimmer boy. I'll just take the cash. After all, you seem to have an abundance of it."

* * *

**Soo...? How was it? Not too lame, I hope? I really do hope I got Ema and Klavier's personalities down right. My English teacher has told me before that I suck at writing. If you have any suggestions to improve, please tell me! Oh and in addition, if you have any pick-up lines/responses, feel free to message me or review it! I'll be more than happy to hear any suggestions :D I'll be sure to mention you and give credit!**

**Review~ (You know you wanna ;D)**


	2. Chapter 2

**To be honest, I wasn't really sure if I would continue this or not, haha. But the amount of feedback was beyond awesome, so I figured why not. Also, shout out to Gemini-Victoria, who gave a couple suggestions!  
**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Two 21-40

~O~

"Ah, you are made of Uranium and Iodine, ja?"

"Is this another attempt at a chemistry pick-up line?"

"Because, my dear Fräulein, I can only see 'U' and 'I'!"

"Huh. You didn't butcher it like you did with Sodium chloride! I'll give you credit this time, fop."

~O~

"Guten morgan, Detective Skye."

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say that you're like telophase, because I admire your cleavage."

_Twitches_ "You… you are a pig, Gavin."

~O~

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together."

"'N' and 'O' are already in order, I believe."

~O~

"Fräulein, why can't you see that I am willing to do anything for you?"

"Is that so? How about you leave. me. alone."

~O~

"Hello Fräu—"

"Stop right there. I swear if you say another pick-up line I will Snackoo you to death!"

_Laughing_ "Where have you been all my life?"

"Didn't I say—okay fine. I've been hiding from you… and how the heck did you find me?!"

~O~

"How would you respond if I asked you to marry me?"

"I wouldn't. I can't laugh and talk at the same time!"

~O~

"I have decided that you are not made of Uranium and Iodine!"

"Well duh…"

"No, mein liebe, you are Copper and Tellurium, for you are 'Cu-Te'!"

"You really are getting a hang of these chemistry lines, aren't you?"

~O~

"I would go to the ends of the world for you."

"Yes, but the question is: Would you stay there?"

~O~

"Roses are red, violets are blue, you are beautiful, and I love you."

"Blood is red, ashes are black, get to the crime scene, or you're getting a smack!"

~O~

"Please Fräulein, let me give myself to you!"

"Sorry Gavin, I don't accept cheap gifts."

~O~

"Sooo how's the paperwork coming along?"

"Boring as ever, and I still have quite a bit to go…"

"Ah. In that case… allow me."

"K-Klavier, what are you doing?"

"You need the help, ja?"

"B-but you really don't need to! It's my job so I'll just have to deal with it!"

"Nonsense! A beautiful Fräulein like yourself shouldn't be stuck doing such mundane tasks."

"…Figured there would be a pick-up line somewhere…"

~O~

"Ema. I have a favor to ask of you."

"You actually sound serious. What's up?"

_Holds out hand_ "I was hoping if you could hold this for me when we go to the crime scene today."

"…"

"Ja, that sounded terribly rehearsed, didn't it?"

~O~

"So many fish in the sea… yet you are the only one I would like to catch!"

"Here I was, think you were actually getting a little more creative."

"Hey! The internet can only give you so many!"

~O~

"Wow meine liebe… You look beautiful."

"T-Thanks…? Wait, is this another one of your pick-up lines?"

"How could you think so lowly of me?! Oh Fräulein, how you wound me so!"

"Well, between you and me, I think your ego could do with some bruising."

~O~

"If you were my paperwork, I'd be doing you right now on my desk."

"What?!"

"Hmm… I suppose that was a bit forward."

"You—You're such a—Arg I can't even!"

"Oooh is the Fräulein Detectiv getting flustered?"

~O~

"I would go through anything for you."

"Really? Let's start with your bank account."

~O~

"You looked exhausted. Want to go back to my place?"

"I don't know, will two people fit under a rock?"

~O~

"Hey Fräulein, can I have your scientific digits?"

"Fop… do you even know what those are?"

"Nope, not a clue!"

~O~

"On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9. I'm the 1 you need!"

"Don't you think I would be offended that you didn't say I was a flat out 10?"

"Nein, that would defeat the purpose of the pick-up line…"

~O~

"Is it hot in here?"

"Let me guess: Or is it just me?"

"You stole my thunder… how about stealing my heart as well?"

_Hides a smile _"That… was actually a pretty good recovery."

"Anything to see your smile, Fräulein Skye."

"That one went right back to boring. Keep that up and this smile will turn upside down."

* * *

**If you liked it, leave a review ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hehe, so after quite a long break, I'm back~ Alongside this update, I ****published a new story exploring the relationship between Ema and Lana. Check it out if you're interested! Back to this story, I b****orrowed a couple suggestions from UndefeatableEditor13.**** Also, I do know exactly how I'm going to do to end this fic, so stay tuned for another couple chapters ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Three 41-60

~O~

"You are the reason why men fall in love."

"Is that so? Because you are the reason why women don't."

"Ah, but I'm certain my fans would beg to differ."

"Well, they're dumb enough to trample my crime scene while I'm there, so I don't think that's saying much about their IQ."

~O~

"Are you oxygen? Because—"

"—you need me to breathe?"

"Finishing my sentences? We would be a match made in heaven!"

"...or you could be more original."

~O~

"Fräulein Skye, do you believe in love at first sight? Or shall I walk by again?"

"Fop, you come to the precinct everyday. It's a bit late for that."

~O~

"If you go on a date with me, I'll give you this bag of Extra Chocolatey Snackoos!"

"Bribery is unfitting for a prosecutor." _Takes bag and walks away _"But I'll take the Snackoos if you don't want them."

"Ach, w-wait! You haven't gone a date with me yet!"

~O~

"What's that smell? Smells like love."

"No... It smells like blood and dirt... because we're at a crime scene!"

~O~

"Hey, feel my shirt. That's boyfriend material."

"I disagree. It looks clingy and hard to maintain."

"I shall have you know that this is high-quality silk!"

_Huffs_ "Show off."

~O~

"Ema, do you see Herr Gumshoe over there?" _Gumshoe waves_ "He would like to know if you think I'm cute."

"...did you threaten the poor man with another dock in pay?!"

"No, I offered him a raise if he would wave, but that's not the point."

~O~

"I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there."

_Sniggers_ "Let's be real, your ego needed that bruise."

"Well, Fräulein, I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes."

"You already know my name, and I'm willing to bet you know my number as well. Stalker."

~O~

"Can I measure your weight? We can use my bed as a scale."

"I think you mean a scale for your stupidity. I'm scared, your bed might break."

~O~

"..."

"What, no pick up line?"

"..."

"Fop, are you okay...?"

"..."

"Okay, now I'm getting nervous. Klavier, what's wrong?"

"Oh, Ema... Your beauty has struck me dumb!"

"...aaand that's why I shouldn't worry about foppish fops like you."

~O~

"You're so beautiful, you give the sun reason to shine!"

"Gavin. Look outside."

...

"Oh. Um. Each raindrop is a tear I would shed if you rejected me...?"

_Laughs_ "Go away and let me finish my work in peace before I start throwing Snackoos."

~O~

"If I had a garden, I would put your tulips and my tulips together."

"I've never really been one for Mother Nature. Especially when she comes to visit every month."

~O~

"Your beautiful face must turn quite a few faces."

"And yours must turn quite a few stomachs..."

"Ah, but my wonderful fans would beg to differ!"

"Well, most aren't exactly the brightest of lightbulbs. Wait, haven't we had this conversation before?"

~O~

"Fräulein, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me this weekend?"

"You have a case."

"...after the case?"

"Sorry, I'm going to be busy having a headache."

~O~

"Good evening, Fräulein. I hear you are accepting applications for a boyfriend position?"

_Sighs_ "Oh alright. Write down your name and three reasons why I should accept you."

_Scribbles_ "There. Done."

"Good. Now to enter the application process, just crumple it up and throw it into that bin right over there!"

"...I knew it was too good to be true."

_(Name - Klavier Gavin_

_1\. I'd love the position._

_2\. This is probably the only application you will receive._

_3\. Therefore you have to pick me.)_

~O~

"Have you been to the doctor lately?"

"No, my required check-up isn't for another two months."

"Oh okay. I was just wondering because it seemed like you were missing some Vitamin Me."

"Hmm, on the contrary I think I've had enough of Vitamin U, which is a better supplement anyway!"

~O~

"If I let you sabotage the forensics team, will you give me a chance?"

"Again with the bribery? Although, I will admit this offer is a bit more tempting."

~O~

"Did you know that chemists do it periodically on the table?"

"...you better not be defiling chemistry with your perverted ways right in front of me!"

~O~

"For each star that I can see at night, I can think of a reason why we would be great together."

"Same for me, except during the day."

"Aha, but the sun is a star!"

_Blinks in surprise_ "Huh, you're right. Well, I suppose the reason would be for you to quit with these awful pick-up lines."

~O~

"Are you oxygen? Because—"

"You've already used that one, glimmer boy."

"—I feel lightheaded with love when I get too much of you."

_Giggles_ "Alright, that one is more original than the first, but it's still cheesy!"

* * *

**Hehe, is it just me or is Ema starting to warm up to Klavier? :D**


End file.
